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Viva Murillo!

Last week I abandoned my position on watching the preseason, and I feel good about it. It was a losing battle, and sometimes it’s better to accept reality than keep beating your head against the wall. So, with that in mind, am I going to change my mind about drinking on draft day?

No chance, Lance Vance.

Some things are not negotiable. If you’re spending your hard-earned money on a game that will take about four months to complete, why put yourself at a disadvantage during the most critical hours of the year? The fact that other owners are willing to hamper their decision-making skills is even more incentive to stay sober. They’ll already be at a disadvantage by drinking, but it’s even worse for them if you’re not. Here are just a few reasons why it’s in your best interests to stay on your best behavior:

* No Embarrassing Later Picks. No matter how many shots you’ve had before the draft, you’re not going to mess up the first round. Or the second, or probably the third. But after that…the odds start going against you. By the middle rounds (where leagues are often won), a heavy drinker will start relying on his impaired instinct—That means homer picks, a player he had last year, or just the first name that pops into his head. The most important part of the most important day goes down the tubes, while the sober owner cleans up after his mess and stocks his roster with steals. It happens every year.

* No Embarrassing Draft Etiquette. Do you really want to be the guy who has to be told it’s his turn? Do you really want to be the guy who asks if Antonio Gates has been drafted yet? Do you really want to hit on the waitress who’s just waiting for you and your buddies to finally go home? Don’t be that guy.

How many funny drunk stories do you have that involve really good decision-making? Exactly. Be a good owner, be prepared and do your job.

* No Embarrassing Fantasy Performances. No, staying sober on draft day doesn’t guarantee you a title, and luck is always going to be your co-pilot. But if you did your homework, you’ll have a valid reason why you drafted each and every player on your team, and that’s a good start.

And remember, most of the owners in your league will be drinking. That gives you an even bigger advantage. If two owners have similar fantasy experience, and one drafts drunk while the other doesn’t…which one do you think will have a better roster? It’s common sense. You won’t be guaranteed a playoff spot, but you won’t have Mike Alstott on your team, either. With all the variables in the game, why add another one?

* No Excuses. You do have a game plan, right? You have guys you like and guys you don’t. You have an idea of how you want your draft to go, don’t you? Well, maybe your strategy really is the best in the league. Maybe your instinct is correct.

Or maybe it isn’t. Who knows? The point is, you’ll never know if your strategy is sound if you don’t give yourself a chance to implement it. Don’t start the season with excuses and a sorry roster. No matter how well you think you draft while drinking, you’ll do it better sober. You did your preparations sober, you earned the entry fee sober and you’ll be sober for (most of) the regular season. The least you can do is implement your strategy with a clear head.

* None of This Applies To After The Draft. Hey, I never said not to drink at all. Celebrate your fantastic roster with a cold one. Laugh with your friends about the good old days and their stupid new draft picks. Spend some of their money before you actually earn it. Enjoy your team, and enjoy the camaraderie. Just save the silliness for after the draft, when all the gems are on your roster and all the excuses will be coming from someone else.

Michael Murillo is looking forward to Grand Theft Auto IV, which is expected to be released sometime next spring. You can reach Michael at vivamurillo@gmail.com.

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